8:46am. Steve will be executed today. I just got up a little while ago and decided that I’m going to write some periodic notes throughout the day. I almost don’t want to do this. A part of me wants to block what I know will occur today out of my mind, but I think writing about it will be good for people on the outside …
The officers haven’t put anyone out to rec and haven’t ran any showers. I don’t know what’s going on. Perhaps, they have us on lockdown for Steve’s execution date. I’m going to do some reading and work on other writing and I’ll come back to this … 9:05am. I just overheard two officers talking about how this is a major shakedown lockdown because of another I-hate-every-officer-and-every-inmate- and-wish-to-destroy-the world move that most pitiful wretch Tabler pulled a few days ago. *Sigh* …
10:37am. Steve is out at his last visit. Today is the last day he’ll ever see his friends and family. In less than two hours Steve will be taken from them and loaded into the death-van and will be shipped off to be murdered by the State of Texas.
A bunch of rank just came on the pod. Sergeants, Lieutenants and oh, wow, a whole gang of people in free-world clothes, a bunch in suits. There are the wardens. It looks like they’re doing some type of major inspection, walking around looking at everything … Now they’re gone.
11:37am. I just folded my mattress in half and stood on the top of it so I can look out of my little three-inch high window. The death-van is here. A bunch of officers are standing around it laughing and joking. A small number of staff members really enjoy executions. They like to be out by the death-van relishing in sadistic glee, back-slapping and hee-hawing.
Most, however, laugh and joke and bullshit around as a way of coping with being so close to — and essentially taking part in — a murder. Humor is a very common defense mechanism.
11:56am. The walkway gate just opened. There’s Steve coming back from his last visit, surrounded by rank. He just walked into this building so they can chain him up for the ride over to the Walls Unit in Huntsville … I’m still looking out of my window. More laughing and tittering about.
12:03pm. Steve’s still not out yet. The death-van is just sitting there with its back doors opened, waiting for Steve. Waiting to take him to be executed. This is horrible. I thought I was beyond having psycho-somatic reactions but I guess I’m not — I can feel my palms sweating.
There’s something just so terribly unnatural about the process I’m witnessing right now. Everything is so deliberate. A slow, methodical, carefully calculated form of murder. I’ve had many, many conversations with people who have committed murder, almost 9 years worth of conversations. One thing I’ve learned is that there is a great difference between people who committed planned-out pre-meditated murder and those who killed at the spur of the moment.
Steve is here because he killed a drug dealer during a robbery. Me and Steve talked about his case before and he told me what happened: Steve and another guy went to a known drug dealers house to rob him. They went in and Steve held the guy at gun-point, while his partner searched for the drugs and money. The drug dealer was on the ground and he kept trying to move. At one point Steve said the drug dealer appeared to be lunging for a gun and Steve panicked and shot him.
The drug dealer’s girlfriend was there and Steve didn’t harm her in any way. After he shot the drug dealer they left. There’s no doubt, the murder Steve committed was tragic and sad. But, it wasn’t pre-planned … This, what I’m watching right now, is different, this is methodical, pre-meditated. It’s orderly, systematic State-sponsored murder.
This is murder paid for by tax-dollars. Homocide by the State.
12:09pm. There’s Steve. He’s shackled down in chains, coming out from the building surrounded by officers. He just walked into the van and the doors closed. Another round of backslaps and hand-shakes. The van is pulling off. Steve’s gone, gone to the death chamber in Huntsville where he’ll be murdered in 6 hours.
He’ll be strapped down to a gurney and have poison pumped into his veins until he dies. Another senseless and pointless murder … I just saw a friend of mine shipped off on his way to die. I want to write some more about Steve but right now I think I just need to kick back and chill …
R.
Date written: Wednesday, 9-16-09
